Mirror, mirror on the wall...

I recently watched the Negotiation Masterclass with Chris Voss, a former FBI hostage negotiator. It was fascinating – and if you haven’t signed up for Masterclass, check it out – there’s tons of really great subject matter experts who share on a variety of topics from business, entertainment and sports.

There was some great takeaways from the Negotiation Masterclass that I wanted to share in my blog this week. Whether you are negotiating a deal with a client or the activities for the weekend with your teenager, these concepts are universally applicable.

I have always believed in the concept of ‘mirroring’ your partner to improve communication. So if you are speaking with someone who is quite direct, then it probably makes sense for you to be spend less time on chit chat and get right to the point. Likewise, if you are speaking with someone who is very cognitive, you will want to bring all your data with you and present your information in an orderly, systematic way, allowing time for them to ask questions.

Chris Voss takes the concept of ‘mirroring’ to another level. In addition to mirroring the personality style of the other person, he also suggests repeating back their demands. For example, let’s say your customer thinks your price it too high – and tells you that he won’t buy unless there is a price reduction. Rather than jumping into all the reasons why that a discount might not be possible, the recommended next step would be to repeat that demand back to your customer in a curious tone. “So, in order for us to be able to move forward, you would need a price reduction?”

After this question is asked, your best next move is to ‘shut up’ – and let the other person expand on what they mean. This step might be harder than you think! Many of us have a hard time with silence – in fact, sometimes we keep talking and end up raising additional concerns that might never have been considered.

If you are able to keep quiet, you will likely find your customer starts to expand on their initial statement. They might tell you that they got burned last time by a different company – and they really need to make sure that they are getting the best price this time. Or they might tell you that they have another quote on their desk that is much lower than ours. Your next best move here is to ‘label’ what you hear – for example, you might say: “It sounds like you are not convinced yet that we are the best choice for you.” Once you label what you are hearing, the customer will contemplate what they think of that label and the conversation will continue. This gets the customer involved more deeply into the conversation.

I have had a chance to try out some of these concepts in various situations over the last few months and I can tell you – they work! Try it out – mirror and label. And shut up in between!